“I just don’t want to make the wrong decision.” Perfectionism & Romans 8:28.

Jamie Johnson

In the latest podcast episode on perfectionism, I mentioned my own anxiety and hints of perfectionism woven into chronic procrastination. If I could sum up my reoccurring thoughts and anxiety in to one sentence it would be “I don’t want to make the wrong decision.” In the past, I’ve become so concerned with making the wrong the decision that I won’t make a decision at all. This is an underlying concern that I see in some of my clients who live with anxiety. It may be verbalized as “I don’t know what to do” or “What do you think I should do?” “I’m feel stuck” and the all too familiar, “I’m just not motivated.”

Personally, To combat this fear I have taken hold too, and confessed as my favorite scripture, Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. (KJV)” This scripture soothes my fears and comforts me as I make decisions that I would not have previously made. It has not yet cured my procrastination because my pattern of overthinking is still very present, however, I can remove the burden of trying to get it right, and rest in a Victorious outcome in Christ.

Romans 8:28 has not shielded me from making what I would identify as, the wrong decision, but it has provided a cushion when I fall. The fear of disappointing others, negatively impacting others lives, and missing out on Gods best is minimized to a small fraction of what it once was. Resting in the promises of God in a world that wants you to be perfect but also seems to be crumbling by the minute is the safest place I’ve ever been. I rest in the safety of his arms. I rest in the knowledge that He has the keys and I am a co-creators while on the earth. I don’t have to do this alone!

Not wanting to make a mistakes takes the focus from God as the source and places it on a vessel that will undoubtedly fail without divine intervention. Perfectionism that is rooted in fear and anxiety is a signal to ask, Who do I trust?

Trust Him. ALL things will work for your good.

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Boundaries and thingsā€¦

Jamie Johnson

As I get older I am learning more about myself. I have been a chronic people pleasure and afraid to upset others. I often softened this by wrapping it in labels like, kind, Christian, and remaining humble. As I approach 40 and see myself with a more authentic lens, I see the fear and anxiety that Iā€™m actually wrapped it. While doing the work to unraveling this false narrative I have become more sensitive to how I feel in the presence of others and choosing to seek wisdom from Godly more grounded individuals. Iā€™m see that the impact others are having on me is the result of poor boundaries in some places and more ridged boundaries in others. I do have healthy boundaries in areas that I am more comfortable in. 

As Iā€™ve been working through this pattern of living, so much is being revealed that I find myself having to forgive myself. When I consider what Iā€™ve allowed or ignored for the sake of avoiding the discomfort of someone elseā€™s feelings, possible rejection, and looking at my own disfunction, Iā€™m saddened and a bit angry. Iā€™m sad because the lack of boundaries has open the door to some not so friendly experiences and relationships, as well as betrayal. I am angry because I was so focused on being ā€œGOODā€ that at times, I missed out on being me, which I now know, is better. The Good Girl mentality often leads to ignoring our owns needs and wants for the sake of others. We shrink to fulfill the wishes, wants, and demands of others. This is often why we are labeled as kind, gentle, and humble by those who have benefited from our lack of boundaries, specifically our challenges with say ā€˜noā€™ and confronting the inappropriate behavior of others. 

The root issues of poor boundaries are nestle in thoughts that are fueled by feeling like we are not enough. Iā€™m learning how strongly this is wrapped in a religious spirit. Greatbiblestudy.com says that ā€œreligious spirit is a demon that wages war against the grace of God in our lives and acceptance of Jesusā€™ work as true fulfillment of Godā€™s covenant between God and man.ā€ The article goes on to indicate that a sign of religious spirit is feeling that we are not good enough. I have read and pondered this perspective for weeks now, and when I look at myself clearly I can agree. This is not of God and it is not ushering me closer to him but further away. It causes my prayers to be shorter and feeling as though God is tired of hearing me. The more I seek a relationship with the father the more the enemy wants me to remain stuck in feeling that I will never be good enough. This is the cycle. A detrimental cycle that keeps kingdom building and Godly assignments just out of view. It maintains a lens that is constricted to everything that is wrong in us. 

As I learn more and grow into myself as God sees me, I choose to acknowledge the past as information and to walk out of cycles that the enemy set up for me. I choose to accept grace that I have never and will never deserve. I choose to walk in freedom that was given without hesitation and to come out of agreement with every religious spirit that subtly or blatantly tries to keep me bound. 

Boundaries are necessary, boundaries are loving, boundaries are biblical. 

Thank you for listening.

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