journaling – Faith Love and Therapy Podcast

Garden, Plants & Relationships

July 19, 2022 Jamie Johnson

I abandoned a plant in my office that seemed to struggle no matter what I did to care for it. Every day I look at it and touch the crumpled leaves feeling disappointed. At times I would think about what it needed and even vowed to repot it with fresh soil. It still sits…wilting. This has frustrated me more than I care to admit because I truly like plants and gardens. I planted my first garden in the center of my parents back yard when I was barely a teenager. I planted corn, carrots, and peas not knowing how to grow anything. Some seeds were successful and some where not but my enjoyment for gardening and plant life was born. This joy was carried into my spiritual development, as I often enjoyed the imagery layered throughout the Bible of seeds and gardens and harvests. But now I am glaring at this wilted plant feeling annoyed so I did what felt right. I literally placed it in a corner and turned by attention to something more productive.

Yesterday, while staring at this wilting plant, God dropped something very convicting in my spirit. THIS IS A PATTERN. A cycle within my life as well as some of the clients I’ve counseled. This cycle is prevalent within relationships. When someone is not responding to the investment we’ve made, or when we feel inadequate, they are quickly moved to the back burner. Often we can see what the relationship needs in order to heal and even to thrive but we’ve grown frustrated and put our energy elsewhere.

I’ve felt led to begin exploring relationships on the podcast and begin dealing with these cycles.

Look for more on relationships in the August Episodes of Faith Love and Therapy. Get your journals ready!

Boundaries and things…

June 6, 2022June 6, 2022 Jamie Johnson

As I get older I am learning more about myself. I have been a chronic people pleasure and afraid to upset others. I often softened this by wrapping it in labels like, kind, Christian, and remaining humble. As I approach 40 and see myself with a more authentic lens, I see the fear and anxiety that I’m actually wrapped it. While doing the work to unraveling this false narrative I have become more sensitive to how I feel in the presence of others and choosing to seek wisdom from Godly more grounded individuals. I’m see that the impact others are having on me is the result of poor boundaries in some places and more ridged boundaries in others. I do have healthy boundaries in areas that I am more comfortable in.

As I’ve been working through this pattern of living, so much is being revealed that I find myself having to forgive myself. When I consider what I’ve allowed or ignored for the sake of avoiding the discomfort of someone else’s feelings, possible rejection, and looking at my own disfunction, I’m saddened and a bit angry. I’m sad because the lack of boundaries has open the door to some not so friendly experiences and relationships, as well as betrayal. I am angry because I was so focused on being “GOOD” that at times, I missed out on being me, which I now know, is better. The Good Girl mentality often leads to ignoring our owns needs and wants for the sake of others. We shrink to fulfill the wishes, wants, and demands of others. This is often why we are labeled as kind, gentle, and humble by those who have benefited from our lack of boundaries, specifically our challenges with say ‘no’ and confronting the inappropriate behavior of others.

The root issues of poor boundaries are nestle in thoughts that are fueled by feeling like we are not enough. I’m learning how strongly this is wrapped in a religious spirit. Greatbiblestudy.com says that “religious spirit is a demon that wages war against the grace of God in our lives and acceptance of Jesus’ work as true fulfillment of God’s covenant between God and man.” The article goes on to indicate that a sign of religious spirit is feeling that we are not good enough. I have read and pondered this perspective for weeks now, and when I look at myself clearly I can agree. This is not of God and it is not ushering me closer to him but further away. It causes my prayers to be shorter and feeling as though God is tired of hearing me. The more I seek a relationship with the father the more the enemy wants me to remain stuck in feeling that I will never be good enough. This is the cycle. A detrimental cycle that keeps kingdom building and Godly assignments just out of view. It maintains a lens that is constricted to everything that is wrong in us.

As I learn more and grow into myself as God sees me, I choose to acknowledge the past as information and to walk out of cycles that the enemy set up for me. I choose to accept grace that I have never and will never deserve. I choose to walk in freedom that was given without hesitation and to come out of agreement with every religious spirit that subtly or blatantly tries to keep me bound.

Boundaries are necessary, boundaries are loving, boundaries are biblical.

Thank you for listening.

Taking Up Space

January 30, 2022March 29, 2022 Jamie Johnson

This phrase has been swirling around in my head on and off for some time now. I have found myself meditating on and even whispering this, when I experience fear or discomfort specifically with my body and/or being in new environments. I distinctly remember having to convince myself that this is necessary. As a black woman in a larger body, I have at time been made to feel like I’m too much. In order to rewrite the narrative, I’ve had to commit to comfortably taking up space.

I realize it contradicts the inner most parts that are tightly woven to fear, rejection, and worthlessness. Taking up space is an act of rebellion for some. A commitment to being present and committed to ones purpose in life. To take up space is to unapologetically be about our fathers business.

As we move into this week and this new month lets consider taking an active role in walking in our God given purpose and occupying the very spaces he has given us dominion over.

I encourage you to take out your journals and allow yourself to explore this topic. What comes up for you? How can you take up space?

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